I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
