Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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