I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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