He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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