We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
