My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
