What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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