We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
