so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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