When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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