No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
