At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
