you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
