final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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