Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
