We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
