dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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