In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
