i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
