my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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