im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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