My friends, they love my intelligence
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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