There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
