The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
