Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize