Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
babies were throwing up all over the place
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
