I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You made out with two different species that night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
