OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
