i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
