Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Someone shit on the floor
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
