i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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