Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
