my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
