I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
