I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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