dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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