why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
