I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
