I want to walk on stilts...naked
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
