my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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