her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
