She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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