apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize