I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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