i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She's just so happy...and so naked.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
