Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
