I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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