if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
