wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
