Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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