Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
