this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
