Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
