you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
