He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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