I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize