i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
