I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
