I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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