small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
