I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
