3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
