Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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