well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
