omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
