last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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