sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
