there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
