I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we're so committed to being not committed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
