there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
