My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
