I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
barbara walters just said penis...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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