Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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