That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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