eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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