Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
