so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
