I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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