Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
