i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
